


Desolate (sasunaru) [discontinued]

by ostrichboy



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2019-09-06 16:09:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16836019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ostrichboy/pseuds/ostrichboy
Summary: Naruto has nobody to depend on. With the constant bullying, abusive parents and swarming homophobia around him he starts to think death is the only answer.





	1. Prologue

Naruto doesn't know what to do.

He's devastated, his chest tightens and it gets hard to breathe again. It feels like someone has snatched his lungs right out of his chest. He can only focus on the throbbing pain taking over his body and he decides to block out Sasuke's words when he feels he has heard enough.

Naruto feels his knees buckling and he silently hopes his legs won't give up.

The words are echoing in his head. It's loud, and nauseating and he feels dizzy as Sasuke steps closer to hug him one last time. Naruto nudges him away roughly with the little strength he has and looks up into a dull sky. The cold words like a punch in the gut are louder now and he remembers, this is all Sasuke's fault. He takes a few steps back from Sasuke and it feels like he's ran for miles considering how far away they seem to be now.

'We can't be friends anymore, Naruto.'

'You're...pathetic... I refuse to be seen with you ever again.'

It was a real wake up.

Naruto was breaking down again. His azure eyes clouding over with empty tears and his body excessively weak. He was going to lose his best friend...Or he already had, but it wasn't right, it wasn't supposed to end this way. He tried to move back some more but the edge of the rooftop was getting closer and closer with every shift backwards.

Sasuke's hair was covering his face from the breeze, he stayed and didn't move any closer. He was anticipating Naruto's response. Figuring if maybe the blond had said something equally as bad to him, they could form a mutual hatred for each other and then it wouldn't be so hard for either of them. When nothing but tears came he turned his back and began to walk away.

Sasuke was pushing away the presence of guilt and was telling himself that this was for Naruto. Maybe he would finally realize that Sasuke isn't someone who is capable of truly caring about someone.

"So... you're really going to walk away?" Naruto asked, words finally spilling from his lips. He was scared of the answer, even though he already knew the answer. Sasuke was going to leave him, and they'd be no longer.

Sasuke took a while to reply but he did. "You idiot. Of course I am, didn't you hear me? I can't be seen someone like you." He didn't hesitate to say the harsh sentences, Naruto was sure he meant all of it. So the light haired boy nodded to himself and just let it sink in. This time it's really real, so he accepts it but not entirely willingly. His worst nightmare coming to life. He was going to be alone.

He's still crying but he's gained some of his strength back. He's kind of glad that Sasuke isn't looking because he can still feel his hands trembling and he doesn't want to seem even more pitiful to Sasuke.

"Then go. Be happy, and never be seen with _someone like me_ again." Naruto started out. "I hate you. I hope you burn in hell! all of you fucking Uchiha!"

Sasuke accepted the comeback and started for the door. "I hope you understand." And with that he was gone. Leaving Naruto to sob in his lonesome.

The door shut loudly and he accepted his permanent loss.


	2. Miserable for the kicks

Naruto groaned and sat up slowly as the traumatic sounding alarm went off. After a couple of minutes spent laying down with his eyes barely open, he decided to get up and get ready for today.

In all honesty it wasn't something Naruto looked forward to. Each day at the high school become more and more painful, the relentless taunts from Yahiko and the side glances from Sasuke were becoming unbearable. 

He winced as his feet touched the cold hardwood floors and settled his way into the bathroom.  
Sure enough he looked sick. His usually more tan skin was a shade lighter now, a fresh set of visible dark circles and his blond hair falling over his eyes just a little... not enough to affect his vision, but enough.

Like it was a daily routine (it really was), Naruto tossed the towel over the mirror and turned on the shower water. He waited for it to get just the right temperature before he strips his boxers and stepped in. He proceeded to scrub away at the skin probably for a longer time than he needed to. He wasn't gonna be late since he was up exactly an hour and forty five minutes before he actually needed to be so he could eat ramen and watch his favorite anime show.

When Naruto was sure he was clean enough he turned off the shower and grabbed his towel off the bathroom mirror.  
in was only slightly foggy, but most of his face was still visible through the clouded surface. He tried hard not to look as he brushed his teeth and his hair out so that it wasn't matted. Afterwards he washed his face.

Once that process was entirely finished he slipped back into his bedroom and got dressed. An orange shirt covered his chest full of bruises, Naruto was so thankful for clothes. The bruises come easy and stay for a long time unfortunately. He slipped on his pants, which weren't too baggy but not skinny jeans either and a dark navy color. 'Regular bottoms for a regular bottom.' He thought to himself while chuckling slightly.

He still had one last thing to do.

Naruto made sure his door was locked one more time and then trailed over to the drawers that were built into his bedset. He pulled out a bag, it could easily be mistaken for a pencil case.  
Inside were many different shades of concealer and he chose the one closes to his skin tone now. Sitting in front of the mirror he began to apply the makeup over his scars and the purple spot right below his eye where he got hit in gym yesterday. He payed extra attention to the gash running across his cheek..He's gotten too good at hiding it. It's a scar from when he was little. He doesn't even know how he got it but it's there.

He refuses to let anyone see it, because if they did they'd call home or involve the law. His parents are horrible people and they probably deserve being taken away from their child... not like they'd miss _it_ \- as they refer to him...

'Who wants a damn near anorexic son who can't stick up for himself and likes boys?'

Certainly not Minato and Kushina Uzumaki.

Despite knowing this Naruto pushes the bad thoughts away for a long enough time to finish up, hide his belongings again and slip past the door way, warm socks now on his feet to protect him from the harsh colds.

The kitchen looks brand new as usual and Minato is sitting at the table typing away on his work computer. When he peers up theres a look of disgust in his eyes, but he's 'nice' and he says good morning before retreating from conversation.  
Naruto shifts into the kitchen uncomfortably and grabs a cup ramen out of the cabinet.

He mumbles out a quiet 'morning' back to Minato, who he literally calls by his first name because he isn't even allowed to say mom and dad.  
At least not at home. He savors the time they spend together in public when he can say they're his parents. Kushina isn't body shaming him then and his dad seems so supportive of his sexuality.  
It's almost tragic but really Naruto doesn't like the pity.

He waits for his food to finish calmly as he stands next to the stove. He's ditched his plan to watch anime because now he isn't feeling so good and safe with someone who'd kill him for a quarter sitting in the same room as him. He can feel his father burning holes into him and he's almost glad for once when he finally speaks.  
...  
"You cover them okay." Naruto looks up a little reluctant and scared of conversation with his father. "Your scars, dumbass."

"u-uh yeah... I guess nobody notices..."

"Good. Just keep your mouth shut....and fix your face or people _will_ start noticing." Minato watched Naruto nod a 'yes sir' and then he was right back into his writing again.

Today would be a long day.

\----

God, does Naruto wish he wore a jacket.  
The air around him is cold and tense as everybody stares at him. Really it's awkward as the quiet whispers get around, but the wind flows his way again and now his ears are so frozen he can barely hear them.

He can feel himself start to break under stress when he makes eye contact with a girl who has flowing black hair. She smiles, he can't detect any bitterness in it, so he smiles back slightly and ducks his head. Sitting outside in the icy gust of winds while waiting for the bus was no fun... He really hates the school bus, but when he hears the engine roar from down the street he congratulates himself for not dying of hypothermia.

When the bus makes it's way there he waits for everyone to get inside before he climbs the few little stairs. He walks down the isle and prays that nobody tries to trip him. He looks down and sees a foot down his path, but then he looks up again and down again and the guy looks at him weird and intrigued but nonetheless moves his foot. Naruto is so confused, nobody's called him a fag yet, or tried to pull his hair, or even tried to trip him and that's about the lowest it gets.

So he just wonders if maybe it's because his face is getting uglier, or his arms are getting skinner. Regardless, he decides to accept the break and takes a seat in the way back where nobody can throw things at him while he's not looking.

He looks out the window and sits quietly as he watches the golden- pale blueish sunrise pass by quickly. Each cloud is different and he doesn't pay much attention to it until he see's an oddly shaped one. He wants to laugh but he's scared someone will hear and come up with another queer bashing nickname to describe his insignificance on this planet. Instead he appreciates the joke by laughing in his head, and then he makes an offensive joke about himself being 'so gay' because he figured out that if it's true and you believe it, it probably hurts less when it's said out loud by someone else.

Bye the time he knew it, kids where scurrying off the bus and into the brick school.

' ｋｏｎｏｈａｇａｋｕｒｅ ｈｉｇｈ' engraved into a metal sign and painted in white hanging right above the entry doors. Around the school entrance and in the fields are trees, some have green and yellow leaves and others have pretty purple flowers that extend out from where the roots sit. Naruto enjoys the quick sight and also gets off of the bus, he whispers a quick thank you to the bus driver who smiles rather kindly at him when he sees Naruto's watery eyes. His brows furrow as Naruto walks into the school but he still goes on with life as soon as the administration gives the signal to take off.

Inside it's calmer than usual. He can't spot anyone who wants him dead, or a group of boys fighting over their girlfriends who decide to slut around. Naruto takes the opportunity to walk straight to his locker.

Only to be pushed out of the way and into the boys bathroom by some asshole. _Great_.

"Useless _freak."_ He shoves Naruto into the mirror while smirking, causing him to look at his reflection and he winces and tries to look away as fast as he can. His eyes widen when he notices the little splotch or smeared concealer and tries to pull away from his grasp. He's punched in the gut by someone and he's sure that this one is gonna bruise up right next to one his father gave him. The pain from them both is making his head ring and pound insanely. 

"Nothing... is wrong with me!" He spits out breathlessly what he truly thinks is a lie and tries to free himself again. He can't do anything with the somehow increasing number of large hands holding him down.

"You're making this difficult. Stop moving homo. " The redhead sneers at him, "What a fucking fucking poof." And then they land one square in his face and they flee. A 'burn in hell' Leaves Naruto's mouth as he covers his leaking nose.

This day is total shit and it's barely even started.

———-

Class is even worse. It's not the teachers, no, Kakashi Sensei (who prefers being called just Kakashi) and the others are nice. It's the kids. This isn't the regular middle school shit he experienced like throwing papers and whispers but he wishes it was.

In first period, Naruto figured out he is gonna have to get a haircut soon or else someone is gonna do it for him and that's not a joke and probably not a nice thing either. He spots his blond hair on the floor next to him desk and on his binder and looks behind him. A boy with bleached white hair and scissors in hand. His grin is taunting and Naruto glares and he spots a few strands slip between the blades. Still, he finishes taking notes.

In second period someone decides that it would be _so_ funny to hold him down and doodle extra eyes on his face in black acrylic paint. He can't take it off either because that means the makeup and if that comes off his entire family goes down. Naruto can't risk that. He loves his parents even though that feeling isn't entirely mutual. 

He's relieved when the teacher sends everyone to the office but he can't stop the others from laughing. He wishes he wasn't so scrawny to the point where he could be easily pushed around. What is it with everyone and using his weight as an advantage when fucking with him?

In third period Naruto is damn near dying of starvation and is sleep deprived. He can't keep his eyes open, but if he falls asleep bad things happen. Bad grades= Angry mother. His mother is even worse than his dad. She blames him for 'Almost killing her' and 'bringing her so close to leaving Minato' who she adores more than her own child. Naruto thinks that Minato just likes to inflict pain on him because he often comes into his room and has his way until he's no longer angry with whatever. Naruto will take that; but nobody would be surprised if they found out and uncovered that he was actually one of Kushina's goons.

Naruto hears his stomach cry as he takes his notes and he's awfully glad nobody else heard it. There's about 15 minutes until lunchtime (he has first lunch) according to the round, large analog clock hanging above the board. He barely scrapes through it and tries to accentuate his notes ro pass through the slow time by underlining, circling and even sketching out his examples for maths even if they'll be useless on a test.

...

The bell rings and he files downstairs quickly to put his belongings away in his locker. He gets there in time and opens up his locker, twisting and turning in the combination code when the second bell rings. He has 2 minutes to get his ass to the lunchroom mentally stable and untouched. He passes through a group of seniors who look down on him with pity but keep walking. Itachi, who he recognizes as Sasuke's brother looks back and sends him a soft smile. They don't know each other well except for when Naruto used to come over and just chill with Sasuke... but since _that_ happened, he doesn't do that anymore and even if Sasuke hadn't told Itachi about him destroying their mutual bond it doesn't take much to catch on with the glares filled with hatred and sadness they send one another.

The lunchroom is close to empty so Naruto waits in line and takes the first thing he sees, buys a drink at the vending machine outside and high tails his ass up the the roof before anyone can catch him.

He passed through the door and the teen sets his food down before flinging his legs over the edge and once he's sure he's sitting about as safe as he can be, he grabs his tray and eats all alone, enjoying the warm sun on his pale skin, making it appear sun kissed and tan under the vibrant blue sky and sunlight.

Thoughts run through his head, and this reminds him of Sasuke who has a nice smile and his laugh is worth it because he never hears it anymore. Naruto would do anything to have his friend back. Playing video games after school and cracking jokes to make each other laugh. eating lunch together on the roof.

Still, Naruto imagines that Sasuke is his best friend or that he had any friends besides the ones in the shows he watches. He wishes they could still hug when he's feeling sad. He imagines Sasuke's arm flung around his shoulder because he is sad now, and his delicate words, 

_"Cheer up, dobe. You've got plenty of things to be happy about."_ And then that fucking Uchiha smirk that he despises now. It _used_ to be something he could be happy about, Sasuke was everything he was happy about and he kinda still is in a way.

He can't help but smile thinking back. He told Sasuke he hated him, and he does. He hates every singer fiber of his being. And despite all that Naruto is still unknowingly chasing after him desperately and tripping over himself looking for his friend who brought him so much happiness everyday. He hates him so much yet he is still willing to take him back and hug it out any day now.

If only Sasuke would use that brain of his and just come back.


	3. Dash until you die

I was extremely bored. I had finished every single chore my parents had instructed me to do and yet I still have so much energy to burn off. My hands were aching and my head was pounding but I had no desire to sit down and rest.

I was used to it. The throbbing was the only thing telling me I had to do something and get out of here before they return. They won't be happy seeing me here... I can already hear the kinds of words they'd slur at me. You'd think it was dodgeball with the hatred they throw around. But I know I couldn't win this battle, so I would just follow instructions and be a good boy. The boy they want.

My knees wobbled as I got off the couch. The floor was shiny and a little wet from me cleaning up the water I had spilled earlier. I walked up the stairs and cringed and the creaking noises it made, just reminding me of how fat I felt... when in reality I'm not. It doesn't help that it only makes that noise when I'm using it, and I had just finished eating a small bowl of ramen because I couldn't keep ignoring the groaning in my stomach. I had to eat something— not more than what I needed of course.

Down the dim hallway I spotted a family picture. Jiraiya was there too, and dad and mom really looked so happy. I only remember the picture taking part though. I think I was happy judging by the smile on my face and me being oblivious to the abuse up until age 12. I was thinking 'hey! Mommy loves me! She's just teaching me tough love!'

Then it started to hurt. And the lessons we had at school the next day about bullying prevention and standing up for yourself was the only sense of right and wrong I had at the time. When I came home that day we got our pictures taken and I only can recall the first part after, which is my mom slapping me right across the face and telling me I should've smiled brighter. I cried and tried to hug her while promising her I would next time I would be better but she pushed me away and everything else after the last tears became a blur. I've never tried to hug her after that.

I stepped into my room and out of the grey sweat pants covering my thin legs. I kicked them to the side of my dresser and pulled out a pair of black jeans. I always felt embarrassed when shopping... I was so underweight that it was really hard to find anything in the men's section. I know I couldn't keep ignoring this problem I had.. but I couldn't eat either. The thought of food disgusts me most of the time, and the only time I can really enjoy and meal without being scared if I was taking my last breath was at school on the roof.

After getting dressed up in a Nico Touches The Wall band shirt I pulled on a jacket so people wouldn't worry about my stick like arms and then my orange converse. I've been rocking the same pair since 1st grade. Only thing that changes of course is the shoe size. In the 7th grade it got hard to find a pair that fit at the local shoe store though. 

I grabbed my phone and my earbuds and went right back downstairs and out the front door. I walked down the damp roads and listened to the beautiful ring in Lana's voice. I love Lana Del Rey. She's pretty and her music is unique. I'm happy I let Sakura convince me to listen even if she won't talk to me anymore.

The lyrics where lingering in my brain and I was so distracted that I didn't even realize I had reached the park. I stepped back and entered past the dark gates. The swing set was still wet from the raining earlier sadly, and I was forced to sit down on the bench that was thankfully shielded from the rain in case someone was having a picnic or something. I pulled out my phone and tried to find someone to call.

I could call Kiba, or maybe even Hinata and see if they wanted to hand out at the arcade. They weren't exactly my friends, but we talk and I still have their numbers too. I'm not sure if anyone would want to hang out with me though. I basically attract pain and suffering... everyone knows this...

Everyone stays away.

I dialed Hinata's number and pressed call. It was only a while before she picked up. Her voice was still shy and quiet, but she had gained some confidence and it really made her stand out as a whole more. She deserves it too because she's a really good person.

"Hi Naruto! How are you?" She giggled out. I blushed a little.

"Hey Hinata! I'm fine, how about you?"

"Oh don't worry about me... You haven't called in a while, what's up?"

"I was sorta wondering if you'd like to hang out or something... We can bring Kiba too if you'd prefer." I said nervously. I've never actually felt this awkward.

"Yes! Of course we can hang out! Kiba is kinda busy helping Shino with his bugs right now, but I'm still free if you are," She paused. "Which I'm going to assume you are because you called me... Stupid Hinata..."

"Heh.. you aren't stupid at all. We could go see a movie? I heard they've got some good ones out...." I really didn't. But I needed something to do. I actually hated sitting down to watch those hour long films. Unless it's Ponyo... I like that one, it made me cry.

"Of course, Naruto. Where are you? I can meet you there. Neji will have a fit if he thinks we're going on a date so I should come to you..."

"Shizen park."

——

I've only been waiting for like 5 minutes and I was already bored out of my damn mind. The line was long, and I hadn't been expecting it but Ponyo wasn't even playing tonight. I closed my eyes for a second as I waited for Hinata to pick a movie.

"Ah! Naru! Let's watch Ju-On! Pleaseee?!" She begged. I looked. In all honesty I didn't peg her for the horror movie type. But I was down with it.

"Sure Hinata. I'll pay for the food too if you want any?"

"We can share a popcorn... It's cheaper, I already feel bad about spending your money."

I laughed and rubbed the back of my head out of habit. Really it was nothing to me. I had saved up a crap load of money so I could buy a bunch of new manga series. Unfortunately, by the time I had come up with the money they were all sold. I felt like sulking, but then a Sailor Moon commercial came on and I was satisfied with whatever I already had.

The line shrunk within 10 minutes and then we had our tickets. It was only 15 for 1 ticket, and to be honest I was a little shook with the pricing. Last time I was here.....a certain Uchiha and I had spent 50 dollars on our tickets and 20 something ish on snacks. Well maybe it's because we were hungry teens but that's not an excuse.

I bought the tub of popcorn and some sodas and entered the room. It was dark obviously, and there wasn't that many people to begin with but it felt so empty from the back of the room. A few more people entered and then the film started up with some terribly edited trailers. I cringed at the thought of the people behind this monstrosity. Already Hinata was shaking and hiding behind her loose sleeves. I knew she wasn't a horror type of girl. I'm not sure why she would choose this movie if she didn't like it, but if it wasn't fun I think she'd let me know.

Someone up front coughed loudly and it became deadly silent as the opening credits went by.

Hinata snuggled into me, curled up into her chair and I wrapped my arm around her carefully. She was so warm. I definitely didn't mind this at all. She smells like Lavander and her touch is soft like Sasuke's.. but her hands are definitely smaller. 

And she's a girl.

——

"That was... something.." I said playfully. Hinata giggled and walked close to my side. I could feel her finger brush up against mine and I thought for just a split second on what I was doing with my life. 

I thought about it, and laced our fingers. I finally had somebody to make me smile.

A friend...

After sharing a long hug and a thank you, I walked Hinata home and we talked about a lot of things. She brung up something about school and I cringed. No pleasant thoughts came to mind, so I just chuckled softly and went along with it and tried not to spoil her day. 

The faint sound of tapping feet on concrete echoed quietly as we passed by the oddly colored houses. I realized the sun was going down and knew I had to speed up my pace. I walked her to the door and said goodbye, Neji thanked me for getting her home and I nodded. Surely enough i'd would be late. I hoped my parents weren't home just yet. 

I sprinted as soon as I was past the last steps. My feet pressed hard against the ground— every step it seemed to be getting darker and darker.

I feel my lungs burning intensely. "I've gotta make it."


	4. Somebody and nobody to you.

The cold dark room around Naruto panned out with a deadly silence as he sat up in bed. His blond and disheveled hair lay sprawled across his head due to the tossing and turning, pulling and frantic ruffling prior to now. He can't seem to fall back asleep. This dream never changes, and it's constantly reminding Naruto of every loss he's ever experienced.

Of Sasuke.

It's not like he wants to care about him anymore...He has better things to do, more concerning matters. Now that he thinks about it, he was constantly dragging Naruto down after that day. Naruto decides he is not in the mood to remember every single word Sasuke uttered and wishes he could forget already. He doesn't have to keep feeling bad for himself. If he just keeps moving forward he will forget about Sasuke completely.

He can leave the thought of him behind, and then do what he wants to do but without it. Naruto used to believe that Sasuke was the center of his universe- the feeling you get when you love something and you just want to hold that thing with everything you've got... but that feeling faded on his behalf and that was something Naruto couldn't stop. Time passed but he has his own back... sometimes. He doesn't freaking need Sasuke Uchiha.... And everybody sure as hell knows he doesn't need Naruto.

He flips the blankets off of his body and got up. It's freezing in the house at night. Naruto wraps a random jacket around himself instead and stepped out of the light deprived space and out into the hall. The vents were blowing more chilly air out. He didn't want to catch a cold but his feet felt like he had jogged across Antarctica barefoot. Naruto's body still ached from last night and every pain began to sink in instantly.

He hadn't exactly looked into the mirror since he'd went to bed, and last time Naruto checked it was just really red. The blond didn't even get much sleep because of being too busy trying to figure out which excuse besides 'I got into a really bad fight' he could choose from. It's like he can't defend himself and lately it's becoming more and more hard to be retain any peace. He feels he's still too much of a pussy to stand his own...but honestly Naruto would have no problem standing up for others if it had meant nobody was going through what he was. If he was just a little braver.

Naruto felt the bruised hand mark around his neck and winced at the pain. He already knew that the cut on his leg would take a long time to heal. It was going to be painful, but the walking he was doing only made the pain increase and Naruto stumbled into the bathroom awkwardly while trying not to move the limb too much.

Seeing the now purple red skin under his left eye only reminded Naruto of how badly he had gotten fucked up yesterday. Only a few minutes late for his curfew, and that's because a police officer stopped to question the teen about some thief on the loose who supposedly looks a lot like me in Sunagakure. Why was it even his business? Naruto didn't know... but it was costing him the rest of his sanity.

The dreadful events from yesterday began to flood his mind as he thought about it more.

—

He spotted the silver car from down the block, and all the lights were on in his house. He was desperate to get this over with. Maybe if he was extremely lucky they'd spare him a beating; the tube of makeup wasn't going to last much longer at this pace.

As he approached he noticed the frantic walking back and forth in the living room, and based on the long hair he spotted in the form of a silhouette he safely assumed it was his mom. He jiggled the door knob and saw that it was locked. Naruto seriously contemplated climbing up the side of the house and sneaking into his bedroom, but knowing his parents Minato was probably gonna be waiting for him there.

He turned back again and knocked softly. Naruto waited for the heavy footsteps and click of the door. It swings open open he winces slightly as Kushina opens the door with a slight look of anger in her face. She looks him up and down very carefully, and she thinks about slamming the door in his face but she doesn't.

"And where were you? I can't believe I made you dinner." Her anger shows as a huff and she sneaks a look to the side of her before stepping back into the empty space to invite Naruto in.

"I'm sorry...I was... I was with a friend." Naruto apologizes and hopes maybe she'll go easy. It's only a matter of time before Minato gets home, and it's like he can already feel the pain coming his way.

"A friend? Nobody will hang out with a faggot like you... Why are you lying to me?" She scoffs loudly and grabs at his arm harshly. Naruto holds his breath. He's still afraid, but there's something telling him that he can get through this... just this once if he minds his own and does what she wants. "I'll be blessed if you would just resort to offing yourself." She pushes Naruto away from her with a quick shoves and starts to bubble over with fury.

"You want to be someone people will like?" Her face is getting more red by the second as she yells and it's concerning him... not like he should care but for some reason he does."Come home on time. Then I will believe that a lowly scum like you can have a real friend." She sneers at him and then spit at his feet, only missing by like half an inch. "No wonder Sasuke just tossed you, and I thought he was crazy but he was just using his brain!" Naruto stops to think about what she said, and when the name Sasuke clicks in his brain he snaps.

"What did I do to deserve your shit!? God, can everyone just leave me the hell alone!" Naruto yelled out before he could stop himself. He quickly shut up and the heavy breaths could be heard despite the distance between them. Her fists were balled up and she wore a heavy frown. It was sickening, actually... Her face made him sick. He shook his head and tried to block out the following words coming from Kushina's mouth.

"I don't know, Naruto! Maybe you should consider the fact that you ruined my life- I was going to college- I could have been somebody but then you just had to be born!"

"OH .fuck. off. Kushina. If I had a choice I'd tell you and that abusive ass bastard to use a condom!" 

He braced himself for a slap but it never came; instead his mom stomped off into another room on the side. He spotted the curry sitting on the kitchen table and thought about grabbing it, knowing Kushina she'd probably freak out if he did. He'll just make something once everyone goes to sleep. He thinks to himself before stepping to the staircase.

He quickly made his way up to his room and sat down on the floor next to his bed. It was a little chilly, but it wasn't bothering him as he kicked his shoes off and groaned. He ran his fingers over the sore muscle in his legs, which would soon be sore for an entirely different reason. He felt like crying in all honesty. But it was only a matter of time before one of the two adults came into his room, and if there was one thing Minato hated about Naruto more than Kushina did ( if that was even possible) it would be when Naruto cries, whines or anything related to that. Any sudden change of attitude or longing of affection was guaranteed to send his fathers nerves into overdrive. He figured it'd be much more safe to hold them in until he wasn't in danger.

Thirty minutes had passed and it was only now that he was hearing the quiet yet somehow loud whispering outside his door. He stood up and tried to look for a way out, but this wasn't a movie. He was guaranteed to break his already hurting leg if he jumped from his window which was 2 whole stories up.

He flinched slightly as the door opened slowly and Minato stepped inside and closed them in together, of course locking the door behind him so that Kushina was sure not to interrupt. "You've disappointed me. Naruto, you know we love you... We just.... need to you be better." He nodded and Minato stepped to the side.

"I'm sorry sir..." Naruto mumbled but it was still loud enough for him to hear.

"You never learn your lesson, Naruto. I won't tolerate this behavior, so the sooner you get it together the faster you can have a life and get the fuck out of my face." Naruto can feel the pulling at his scalp as Minato snatches a handful of his hair and it burns. With they way his head is tilted he doesn't speak and he's barely breathing because this angle is bad but he's managing. All of a sudden the room feels like it's going to burn him, his face is so dangerously red and he can feel a sudden warmth engulf his body in a flash. His eyes are watering and he's trying to tilt is head up so tears can't fall. He can't cry now, he doesn't have the time to be crying, and Minato isn't someone he wants to show weakness in front of.

"You also lied to your mother... and you know what happens when you lie right?"

The hand in his hair moves away and he breathes for a very split second before he can feel it press up against his throat harshly. The hand tightens and as Naruto struggles to breathe he can hear Minato tapping his foot impatiently. Naruto makes one dangerous effort to remove the hand but only to fail himself once again and he's landed a punch square in his jaw.

He tumbles over in pain, and it's been a while since Minato has hit him so he wasn't prepared for that. Naruto holds his cheek and gags at the taste of iron and realizes he accidentally bit his tongue. He spits the red out on the ground and tries to subtly scoot away from his dad. Of course he notices, and yanks Naruto back towards him by his legs.

"You are pathetic. Are you not even going to fight back?" Minato asks. "You want to be hit? I'll give it to you then." And so it escalates from there.

\--

Naruto really doesn't want to remember anything after that.

He sits down on the toilet seat in the bathroom and tries to clean the cuts. The bruise on his pale cheek is deep, and it stings as he cleans around the wound with soapy water. Honestly Naruto should probably win an award for person to spend the most money on first aid. It's ridiculous how much money he spends on it a week.

Naruto peels the sticky adhesive off the bandaids and puts then on the places he needs a little more help covering. A bandage wraps around his leg and across his head. He finishes up quickly and quietly, picking up behind himself and leaves the bathroom.

Down the creaky corridor he walks and treads to his bedroom. Shutting and locking the door before he gets back in bed and eventually falls asleep.


	5. Loser, loser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke POV btw!!

I always knew my life would go spiraling down into nothingness eventually. 

I was always second place no matter where I turned. In my mind, I had to put everyone in front of me so I could watch them win and be there to cheer them on. It was painful, so in the end I put up a wall of pride and slowly disappeared from the lives of the people I once cherished.

I hate it. I have to work hard to keep my name and the respect attached to it, but I'm all alone and regretful. It was truly an unpleasant way to go out.. Leaving both Naruto and Itachi behind who I seemed to have loved with all of my heart at the time. It felt good— it came to me as a priority. I figured getting everyone out the way now was the easy path.

I see now that there is no easy path or anything between. Because in the end you still lose. Run too fast and you can see everyone trying to catch up behind you fade all too quickly, run too slow and you'll watch everything you care about diminish like they never even existed. There is no finish line. At the end there is no rope to run through, or even a trophy with a big 'winner' or '1ST' engraved on it. You may feel like a winner, and god it feels so good... then you're stuck waiting for everyone to catch up; only I realized that I was the one who needed to do some catching up.

Today was absolutely pointless. 

Getting out of bed was a mistake. I could've skipped today, yet as if it were any other time I'd rather be here in this painful building of illegitimate teens. I'd rather mope and contemplate on if I should just run up to Naruto and hug him and apologize, but I never do because I know he won't bother to listen. After all, it is my fault. I had lost everything we worked for. 

Trust, comfort. We had a foundation and I destroyed it because I was too afraid to be caught in whatever web of pity I was bound to eventually. Naruto was my first place, and now I'm just a loser running in random directions. Remembering how he was just so soft and lovable with his stupid blond hair and precious blue eyes. Fuck what did I do.

I know I need to fix this. Though it does sound pathetic coming from someone so evil and crusty like myself, I admit I still care. I could to myself at least. I still check up on him, and he hopefully doesn't know because I begged his family not to tell, but I still talk to his parents so they can tell me how he's doing. Naruto Uzumaki is doing great without me. It's a relief to know that I didn't affect him as much as I thought I did.

Tomorrow I'll make things right— or at least I'll try.


	6. the mourning

It was a Friday morning. It was relatively good as well, with Mikoto and Fugaku downstairs arguing over who’s curry they should have for dinner tonight Sasuke was able to slip past them in the kitchen and get a few words in with Itachi. With fast paced walking down the brightly lit hall and some advanced skills in ignoring others, he was able to reach the semi quiet room with ease.   
  
The walls were painted a faded red, and he eyed the two boys sitting on the bed situated in the corner of the room. After Shisui and Itachi we’re finally done exchanging their fair share of ‘manly’ giggles and some uncalled for jokes Sasuke was able to get a few sentences out. By then, the older Uchiha had finally realized that his brother was in the room and he was more or less willing to talk to him.   
  
“Can I have a word with you?” Itachi offered a slanted smile and a questionable arched eyebrow before gesturing over to Shisui.   
  
“Yeah sure... is he cool or?” Sasuke nodded and stepped inside, closing the door. He situated himself on the floor and while fidgeting with the hem of his jacket he began to speak.   
  
“It’s about Naruto...” his voice low and gravelly. “I don’t want him to hate me, I want him to like me. I’m such a jerk and I fucked up.”   
  
“I’d apologize if I could get close to him but I probably don’t even deserve having him as a friend.”   
  
Itachi let out a chuckle and an awkward cough right after.   
  
“Buy him flowers.”   
  
“I’m serious, you useless bum. Give me some advice.”   
  
“I said buy him flowers... or something he likes. If you have something to offer wouldn’t he be more interested in your dumb confession?”   
  
“Confession? I’m trying to apologize, not get laid.”   
  
“As if you’d have a problem with that.” Sasuke got up and made his way to the door before begin abruptly stopped. “Hate erodes the container in which it is carried in.”   
  
Giving a few confused blinks and a blank face, Sasuke left, grabbing his things for school and following his defeated father out of the door.   
  
——   
  
Morning is just about over and the teacher was pestering the hell out of the Uchiha. With the questions every few minutes, Sasuke was forced to basically become a public speaker when he’d much rather just sit and contemplate about everything that could go wrong today. When he wasn’t being annoyed he was staring at the clock on the wall— which he knew was broken but it passed time the quickest.   
  
This class was especially the longest because at the end he’d always have to brainstorm ways to escape the room before someone could get to him, because if that person wasn’t Naruto then Sasuke probably didn’t want to talk. It was boring, the air was dry and there were a ridiculous amount of notes he had to take. Every time Sasuke opened up his notebook it felt like the world was trying to fuck with him.   
  
The only good thing was that next period would be a free period. If he could successfully manage to get past Sakura and Karin maybe he’d be able to sneak around and find Naruto. It was usually pretty easy to find the other teen considering that he dresses in the brightest color ever and has blond hair, but now it felt like wherever Naruto was, Sasuke just couldn’t be. It was also true that they typically avoided each other but the unfamiliar coldness to this particular situation makes him feel vulnerable and sad.   
  
The bell went off and Sasuke was quick to move. He managed to dodge others by hiding in bathrooms for a brief amount of time and engaging in awkward conversations with strangers, though it worked and he was eternally grateful for the amount of luck his face has given him. The teen sped up the stairs, his breath erratic by the time he had reached the 3rd floor. It was so unnecessary how many floors their school had but he’d have to deal with it. Upon the last staircase he’d finally made it to the top and he mentally hoped that the person he was looking for was here... or else he’d probably just be tired and angry.   
  
Sasuke gathered his thoughts, words and the coupons for free ramen he had paid Shikamaru damn near 30 bucks for. The door creaked open and shut behind him loudly despite his efforts to close it softly.   
  
“Naruto?” He called out. He walked around, his head spinning with worry that he’d never be able to see the blond again. Sasuke took a seat by the ledge and fiddled with the red paper in his hands. He contemplated on whether he should just turn around and go to lunch, but the protesting in his mind ordered him not to. The sound of gravel behind him made him thankful for staying.   
  
“Sasuke? What are you doing here?” His body turned toward the sound, and his eyes met with blue ones. “Are you gonna talk to me or just sit there and look?”   
  
“I came to say something.” A silence filled the dense air around them before he stood and walked over the Naruto, who casually took two steps back as if Sasuke was carrying some deadly disease. He nodded, seeming to understand and stayed where he was.   
  
“I came to say sorry. I really screwed up.” Taking a deep breath he continued, “But I want to fix things... I need to fix things because you’re just too important to me. I want to make it up to you.” Grabbing the offering from his pocket again, he handed it to the other who just peeked lazily at it before holding in tightly in his hand.   
  
“You think you can just prance back in all high and mighty with fucking ramen coupons? I’m on thin ice with you fucking Uchiha assholes.” don’t cry. “I swear to god I just wish I was dead. Maybe I wouldn’t have to put up with you and your shit... And to think I still care about you.”   
  
“I’m sorry, Naruto. I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but at least think about it. I want to make it up to you because regardless of everything I said before I do still care. I care about you... I care about us.”   
  
“If there’s something you want me to do, I’ll do it. I don’t care what it is as long as I get to have you again.” Sasuke ignored the tears swelling in his eyes and waited for his answer.   
  
“I prayed day and night for weeks that you’d come back to me, and for you to show up as soon as I’m about over you is too unfair.”   
  
“I’m sorr-”   
  
“Fuck you.” Naruto stated. “I needed you more than anyone else and you were so bad to me. I thought ‘this definitely isn’t the handsome Sasuke I know..’ but then you really went and left, and I was so sad because I couldn’t wake up to your texts anymore.. and I had actually lost my only friend... my best friend. I just- I don’t know Sasuke. Can I really even trust you anymore?”   
  
“Naruto...”   
  
“Sasuke, I need a break. Give me some time to think about this...”   
  
Sasuke watched as he turned around and left. His blond hair flowing in the wind as he eyed the pattern on Naruto’s sweater. He watched as the heavy door shut behind his ex friend, and he felt the pain in his heart. For the first time in a while, Sasuke Uchiha didn’t have the strength to ignore the agony he was feeling, and there he stood. Accepting the rejection, he let the watery feeling in his eyes pour down his pale cheeks and stain the rooftop as he cursed at himself silently.   
  
But he wouldn’t give up.


	7. no rest for the mentally defeated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -underlined is Naruto btw  
> -sorry for the shorts. I just have other fics I’m kinda working on

Naruto spent his time sitting around in a dark room crying. With his parents gone for the next week, he was alone to sulk and at the time he felt he’d much rather get yelled at every five minutes than think about Sasuke. He sat on his bed, the sheets ruffled and crinkled and ramen cups surrounding his bed frame. He did decide to use the coupons Sasuke had given him— though it was only because he couldn’t stand seeing them on his dresser every time he turned his head... and it just made him want to cry more.

His hair was extremely matted and his blue eyes were about the only thing sparkling about him right now. Naruto’s face was red and tear stained, the coverage his makeup offered now gone and leaving the unpleasant sight of a distraught teenage boy having a crisis. He tried sleeping, though he couldn’t get anything from that, and the darkness was only comforting for a little before it turned to something like a nightmare. Naruto was trying everything he could think of... but he knew it was hopeless when he found himself on webmd asking questions about his mental health. He should’ve known he wouldn’t be able to avoid the topic, but he sure as hell tried.

Did Naruto really want Sasuke back in his life?

It was a yes or no question. There didn’t need to be an in between but there was. The mature part of Naruto was telling him that this wasn’t what he needed, or what he _deserved._ But then again he knew he couldn’t hold grudges. Eventually he’d give in and fall right back into Sasuke’s arms like a fool. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to mope at the thought of the Uchiha ever again— and that was the entire point of this trying to get over him... running back would just mean he’d wasted his time on nothing. It was officially safe to say that Naruto’s sense of self reasoning has been completely obliterated.

He takes a moment to gather his strength before he ditches his warm blanket and gets up to go to the bathroom. The hallway lights are still on and dim and his eyes adjust easily. Naruto stumbles down the hall sloppily and unties the string on his sweats so he can finally take care of his business. 

He’s only halfway through before his phone rings violently in his pocket, and _fuck_ people have bad timing. He saves himself from tumbling over and finishes up quickly with pulling his bottoms back on and washing his hands. Naruto checks his phone hesitantly for the notifications— of course only to find it’s the person he’s been narrowly avoiding.

 _-I’m sorry about_ Friday.

- _You’re right that was unfair. I can just listen if that’s what you want._

And curse Naruto Uzu-fucking-maki for not changing his phone number when he had the chance. He’d never experienced this much drama before and he wasn’t liking it. With the teetering decision Naruto was forced to come up with something earlier than he had intended and now he was thinking about it again. He didn’t _have_ to say yes; Naruto was his own person after all, but after giving it some thought maybe Sasuke really was trying to redeem himself... plus it’s not like Sasuke was always a goth prick.

He let the message sit there for a while longer, though he couldn’t for too long before he got a very strong urge to text back angrily.

- _I don’t wanna see ur dumb Uchiha face_

_ -I don’t wanna hear ur dumb Uchiha voice  _

_-hear me out at least._

_- I think you are dyslexic_

_-Naruto, please just let me make things right._

_ -ur sch an asshdle u dick and dont contact me anymore _

_ -pls leave  _ _ me alone _


	8. what you’re willing to lose is what you might gain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Set 1 week later.  
> -is this finally an update?

My body jerked awake but I was still shocked to move. A layer of sweat covered my body and soaking my shirt, my face was wet with tears and my eyes burned. For a second I felt like I couldn't breathe, but then it all came back to me so suddenly and I was coughing. I already gave up on trying to get out of bed before I had woke, and decided to just lay there for a while. This isn't the first time this has happened, since the last time I talked to him last week. It feels like the more I push Sasuke away the more pain I have to deal with. I shriveled up thinking thinking about it, I didn’t want him to be dead to me.. not entirely. Not anymore.

When I got the text I felt my chest cave in. A wave a sadness hit me like a tsunami and I was drowning. It was like watching your favorite anime character get hit with a truck. Feels bad.

When I first moved here, some dude was always being an ass. It was a pain because I was feeling pain, but Sasuke was there for me. He never left me dangling and we did everything together. I was more than grateful for getting to see the smile I’d have seen him give anyone else. I was happy that I had someone to hold my hand. To think that I could have all that again, that’s amazing… but to think that I could have that again and watch it be snatched from under me for the second time is not.

After laying around for what felt like an hour, my body and heart rate had calmed down and I was able to function again. I peeled off my bottoms and got in the shower, washing and scrubbing away at my thoughts in the process. I didn't really need to be up, but I've got important decisions I need to act on. When I finished washing my body and my hair, I proceeded to get out of shower.

My blonde hair drooped low over my blue eyes that twinkled for the first time in a while. I quickly dried off and pulled on some clothing along with a pair of socks. The floor didn’t feel very cold since the heat was up, but I put on fluffy socks no matter the occasion, time or day.

Snatching my phone up from the tip of my bed when it was just about ready to fall off, I carefully walked down the stairs— minding the bruises and cuts I was still working with. The cabinet was full of ramen (which I had to supply) so I just grabbed a cup and started to boil the water. The flash alert on my phone went off and reminded me of what I needed to do. I wasn’t going to see him now of course, no, I definitely wasn’t ready for that.

But I did sorta forgive him. Sasuke has this weird tendency of making me fold in and it sucks that I’m not even close to him anymore and he has the same damn affect on me! I need to be careful, I don’t need to get attached and get hurt more… But forgiving and kinda forgetting (whether I like it or not) is just my way.

The water was done in a few minutes. I did what I needed to do and ate, because I know that some stupid high school boy who I wasn’t even dating shouldn’t be the reason I die from starvation. The food tastes good as always and I usually wasn’t full off of one pack but this was enough I think.

I washed my dish out and focused on what I would even say. ‘Hey sasuke! Sorry I overreacted a little bit but I’m okay with the possibility that you might hurt me again so let’s be pals now!’ That did seem like something I’d say, but I wasn’t gonna say that I was thinking about saying that. I don’t really know what to tell him— but it’d be weird to text now since a few days ago I did basically tell him to fuck off.

But that’s fine, right? He said some pretty hurtful things before too… So I should be fine with this since it’s little? I’m not gonna think I’m just gonna do it.

Before my brain cells could comprehend my movement I swiped up my phone from off the table and went through my messages. Hinata wanted to go out again (which I had to say no to), my parents checking to see if I was alive and telling me that if I died they wouldn’t pay for a funeral… Jiraiya… Sasuke.

I have a very small circle. Though my list of people I’ve messaged is a mile long, I can only hold a conversation with two of those people without crying like a loser.

; **you’re a huge jerk and you know it**

; **but I’ll talk to you if you give me time**

; **believe it.**

So I didn’t have to be his friend… but I can’t run from him now either.

What the hell have I done? I don’t know. But I better figure this out soon or else I’m gonna be confused and lose cells brain my in.

  



	9. I just wanna know you care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texting chapter because I needed to update SOMETHING

**S; thank you so much. If you need me I’m here.**

_N; yeah I guess you’ll come in handy if I have another breakdown_

_N; and I missed you a lot but u were seriously toxic. hah brit_

**_S; I was stupid to say those things. I didn’t mean it, but I’m still sorry about my actions._ **

_N; I know you make dumb decisions don’t you remember how we met :| some of it was true that’s probably why it hurted so much_

**_S; no oh hell you’re so you and that’s perfect. You should never take truths to such things._ **

**_S; honestly? I was really ignorant to think I could be anything without you. I came running back to you which probably caused you hell. You’re an amazing person, Naruto. Everything I said that day had no business coming out of my mouth._ **

_N; I really appreciate your kindness but it feels unnatural. Don’t you want to call me useless right now? I think u wanna call me useless_

_N; please do it because I’m not used to people being nice to me anymore and I’m scared of people with hearts_

**_S; dobe, I will give you everything because you only deserve people with a heart in your life._ **

**_S; I’m grateful that you let me in :’)_ **

_N; hah gay. I’m worn. Goodnight_

**_S; goodnight._**


	10. Thoughts of you p.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasukes pov.

Today, it wasn't a pain to get out of bed. I ached from staying up all night but that didn't stop the pure happiness from running through me. Even if my face wouldn't exactly show it I did have things to be glad about— mostly Naruto, who at least kinda forgives me for being a terrible person.

I couldn't stop the pure euphoria I felt as I got dressed in a pair of black joggers and a regular long sleeve shirt. I slipped on a pair of dark colored socks, as well as the necklace Naruto had given me before everything happened. Truth is that I couldn't got anywhere without it— so it really just became a part of who I was. I didn't have energy to style my hair today so I left it down and prayed that the hair in my face wasn't going to be a problem.

After refreshing up in the bathroom and finishing up all that I finally made my way downstairs. Mom was drinking a cup of tea at the table, Itachi sat across from her and they were having what seemed like a civil conversation. I walked to the kitchen and pulled out a box of cereal, some milk and obviously something to eat it in and with. I walked over to the table and sat by Itachi who proceeded to jam his fingers into my forehead. "Stop, ugly..." I said harshly and my mom gave us a death stare.

"You're not eating tomatoes today?" My mother asked and I just shook my head no. "What's the occasion? You love tomatoes..."

"There is no occasion. I'm simply eating the food that you've bought for the purpose of eating." I tried to finish up my bowl quickly and when I did I stood quickly and began to get my shoes on. Just a pair of all black converse, which really weren't good for running on slippery floors but that's too bad. I grabbed my jacket and bag that was hanging up by the door and when it was time for me to leave out I trailed out to the car where my father was mostly always waiting.

He drove quickly so we were at school in no time— and despite the empty look that was probably occupying my face I was bubbling over in joy at the fact that maybe I'd get to talk to Naruto today. Kids walked into the large main doors of the school talking to their friends and I just was blew away by how large crowds could get. I too got out of the car and began to walk up to the school, and soon I was walking in the loud hallways.

——

The bell rang and the teacher started up the lesson. It was blood curdlingly boring and I was starting to get annoyed. I tapped my pencil against my leg quietly as I waited for new notes to appear on the dark green board. Many people rested their heads, but I just found myself wondering if Naruto was always this late— or if he even came to this class at all anymore. I hoped he did. Even when we weren't on speaking terms his presence was a blessing amoungst so many useless bastard children.

I decided to plug in my headphones to my phone, and quickly scrolled my playlist for a song to listen to while the teacher had their back turned. I stopped at Aoitori by Orange Range, and despite my growing dismissal for speaking Japanese it was very easy to understand the lyrics. The time as going by much too slow for my liking, and if I was forced to sit in silence another minute I might just attack someone for the fun of it.

Fortunately though, the tan door opened and a certain blond boy walked through them cautiously. I watched a little as Naruto went over to talk to the grey haired man, but ended up turning away because I felt like I was invading his privacy.

After exchanging a few words he began making his way over to his desk, although he was kind of limping but I just assumed that maybe he fell or something. I couldn't help but to turn around and look at him and he gave a tired smile. I wonder if something happened or if he just didn't get enough rest last night...

—-

The rest of the day Naruto slumped around groggily. His face was paler, he had dark circles and he always looked ready to cry. I hadn't noticed too much before but he really looks like his life is being drained right from his body— one little push was all he needed before he completely collapsed and slipped into death. Because of this, I minded myself and kept my distance so that he could have space at least. Despite my urges. The happy feelings I felt earlier also started to disappear because how could I possibly be happy when Naruto isn't right now?

When lunch came rolling around he vanished and I was guessing that he'd went up to the roof. Though, it was freezing outside today, and the teachers aren't even supposed to let you up there. I don't exactly eat lunch but I did sit down at the table with Jugo and Hidan, and usually Karin was here too. I didn't like to sit here since Karin was always borderline harassing me, Hidan was a senior who just couldn't make friends since he was always preaching some religion, and well, Jugo was always strung up and angry with me. I really miss being with Naruto. It's odd but I really can't help but to think about how important things like that become after you lose them.

I groaned and popped a small tomato into my mouth as Karin stuck to my arm— and Sakura glaring from across the room was too a pain. If I could I'd wipe this entire school free of idiots and everyone who was unimportant to me. It's a selfish wish but if your existence is not benefiting then why live? It was very bothersome to have girls always chasing after me— even after I came out. I regret that too because now I have guys on my tip. I don't know why, but if I hear a confession from anyone I feel ready to puke, but the thought of hearing one from Naruto is almost a dream come true. I am devoting my heart to onigiri and one blond... somehow platonically and romantically at the same time. 

“Sasuke? Dude your brother is staring at us and it’s seriously creepy.” Jugo said to me in a hushed tone. I turned around to see Itachi glaring and angrily pointing for me to get over there right now. I don’t even know why he’s here, because I’m almost pretty damn positive that he got in trouble for having a threesome in the locker rooms. At least that’s what he got scolded at home for.

I got up from my spot at the table and walked over to where my brother was standing. I stopped at a distance because I didn’t want him to do that forehead thing in public but somehow it ended up happening anyways. I swatted Itachi away quickly and gave him a dark stare because he was fucking annoying. “What do you want, you sadistic fuck,” I asked him. “Are you just here to ruin my day or are you trying to have sex with my friends too?”

“No, shut up. First off, you should be with Naruto right now. What are you doing with these low lives?!”

“I’m giving him space, assface! I can’t just pop back up and expect everything to go back to normal after all the shit I said!”

“At this rate your undying love for him isn’t going to go anywhere.” Itachi put his hands up in a defensive manner, which was probably just the perfect time for me to gut the bastard for what he just said. Instead I went back to go dump my tray and then I walked right through the cafeteria doors. I was mostly angry because what he said was right... and also because Naruto was hurting and I was the cause of that. I punched a random locker and made my way towards the staircase leading up to the roof. 

I got an angel to visit.


	11. Thoughts of you p.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a double update cause Issa 2 parter

Even though I was moving through the school like a swat team, I did need to take a break before I went upstairs. My hand was sore and bloody from punching stuff every time I turned a corner and that obviously sucked ass. But I was absolutely fuming and I refuse to go see Naruto like this.

After a few minutes the boiling in my blood began to cool so I finished climbing up the steps and tried to quietly open the door. A wave of nostalgia hit hard because I haven’t been up here in so long, and yet it’s exactly the same. I don’t know what I was expecting though. I walked across the gravelly floor to look for Naruto, and when I did find him my heart was already thumping in my chest.

“Naruto? Hey, you look dead... are you alright?” He shook his head and leaned back against the surface behind him. I watched as he stared into the grey sky with an occupied look on his face.

“I didn’t know you’d come today. I would’ve prepared myself.” He groaned out, voice dry and sad. I sat down in the gravel despite my black pants and sighed. He gave a slight smile before closing his eyes. “I’m just tired don’t worry...”

“Can I borrow your lap for a while?..”

“Of course...” I moved into a more comfortable position and Naruto moved to lay his head on my thigh. He sighed and I threaded my fingers through his hair as he began to fall asleep. I feel really happy right now for some reason. To think I wanted to miss out on this.

We ended up staying up here until the end of the day. I’ll never hear the end of it from my parents but I don’t regret it. Naruto woke up around 5th period and he was looking a little better so I just left it at that. Itachi came up and yelled at me during 4th period but I punched his knee for being loud and he probably cursed me before leaving.

The dull sky was becoming more vibrant and fluffy clouds came in soon after. I ended up taking off my jacket and wrapping it around Naruto since there was a slight breeze and he already looked sick. I told him that he could keep it, and that I had tons of jackets so it wasn’t a big deal. He did start to question my niceness and interrogated me for 20 minutes but it was really nothing. My intentions were quite pure for someone like me— I just wanted to prove to someone important to me that I was changed and that they mattered. It wasn’t a lie.

Today wasn’t exactly the best day. But it was a step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was short but I just didn’t want to have this part in the same chapter as part one.


	12. burden on myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; violence  
> I left the important details for the next chapter i'll upload. if you're easily triggered by violence then you can skip this chapter without confusion in later updates :) ! i figured to start leaving warnings just in case *shrugs*

I wasn't expecting Sasuke to pay me an unexpected visit. I honestly don't expect him to do anything he does. Being around him stressed me out because i'm so afraid of being hurt, but then he always does that thing and hell, I'm probably walking right into a damn trap. I know I shouldn't trust him and that when he says he's sorry I shouldn't listen but I most definitely can't help it. We could be something great again but I've already lost so much, and been through more than I should have to go through. I can't risk it.

It's only 3rd period and i'm already dying trying to avoid Yahiko. It seems that he's everywhere I go this week, and it's not like I can skip anymore classes without consequences. Well... even if I did it wouldn't matter because I don't think the school board has seen either of my parents show up not even once. I'm absolutely positive that everyone works to make my life a living hell. i'm wondering if people only come around when its convenient for them. The teachers voice is loud and fuzzy as I put my head down on my desk. I can't think, i haven't been to sleep, I haven't ate in days and my body is in terrible pain. If I could i would cry but i'm sure my body has no more water to spare for empty causes. Also I think i'm catching a cold and should pick up some meds after school ends. I can't help but think that nobody cares about me because it should be so obvious that i'm hurting in my current state yet they still push me further. Shit, sometimes death feels like a better option than sitting here.

I pressed my face into the sleeves of my too large jacket to stop tears from dripping onto the desk. It hurt because i still had bruises there but i found that today my pain tolerance level was sky rocketing. I'm sure my face is so red and I look like a fool and a sad mess. I just need a while to compose myself and then ill be fine... because that's what I do... I don't know actually. The teacher is still talking quickly. I know my grades will fall because i can't pay attention. I feel useless right now and so days like this I can deeply understand where my parents hatred stems from. I wish Sasuke was here... I really, really do.

\----

I ended up running into the devil spawns anyway. 

It was probably inevitable but at least I can say I tried. I'm in no mood to resist or even think of fighting back so I let them push me over like always. I took the punches and kicks and insults with no struggles and I tried my hardest to hold back on crying. It hurt, I won't lie, but it was nothing compared to what happens at home. The homophobic slurs went in one ear and out the other due to constantly hearing them and that was the worst part. Even someone as terrible as me should never have to get used to mistreatment-- of course that's not right. Maybe if I was a little less of a loner I could say something about it and my voice would matter.

I stared at the ceiling with a blurry vision as Yahiko pulls my head back by my hair to whisper insults in my ear. His friends laugh and spit on me degradingly as tears drip down my face. I keep game but it hurts. It really fucking hurts. And i'm so weak... I can't do anything but watch as they walk away from me in loud laughter. I ended up using the rest of my energy to pull myself and rest against the nearest wall.

I wiped away the blood on my face slightly on the underside of my jacket. Today I realized that I put this sweater through so much... blood, rain, tears, ah other's bodily fluids. My efforts to stand up were reduced to null and so I just sat there groaning for as long as I needed to. The soreness from earlier was multiplied by like 1,000, and i still have the home stage to go through. My death will probably be a painful one, with people pulling at me until I tear apart like a rag doll. I cant help it. I'm not fit for causing people pain, rather I want to see everyone be the best. I wish other people were the same. I was gross with a mix of blood, spit and sweat and tears on my face and body. Damn I was at my breaking point right now.

Maybe if I just lay here somebody will notice. I struggled to keep my eyes open for even a few seconds. I closed them and the last thing I remember is slipping unconscious.


	13. a visitor from the past

As soon as Naruto wakes up, a feeling of pure agony and pain washes over him. His body aches and burns so badly that he feels like he might actually die this time and he can't help the deep sob that rips through him. Naruto sits and cries, barely focused on trying to get up and get home, figuring that he'd rather sit in pain here than at home. The echoing footsteps make the pounding feeling in his head increase by tenfold, his energy quickly depleting at the terrible sensation. Right now, Naruto feels so pathetic and alone. The blood on his body and clothes has dried up by now, turning into a crusty deep red color that's probably going to stain now. His bloody lip and nose has been washed away by his tears and for a while it looks like Naruto had been crying bright red. It's in his hair and on the ground and he knows but he can't bring himself to get up and look in the mirror and see for himself how bad he looked.

He never could do it.

Another sob escaped Naruto as he wondered what was even left for him here. What would happen if he kept on living for the sake of himself, and not others? Nothing good, Naruto thought to himself. He imagined that he was happy and not going through this to numb the pain, and it was starting to slowly make him feel worse. Naruto knew this would never end. The bullying, the abuse, the falling in love with stupid boys. That was his never ending cycle. Naruto knew that if he wanted to truly be happy, his only option would be to die... and even with how scary that seemed it made Naruto feel something. If he was dead, he'd never be treated like this again. He would never need to worry about the rude comments from his parents and peers, or being punched in the face for doing nothing but breathe. The pain never stopped and it never would until he did something-- anything about it. Until he finally ended his own life.

The footsteps got louder and Naruto winced as they stopped. He closed his eyes and hoped that it wasn't somebody who hated his guts, somebody who would take this as another opportunity to kick him while he was literally down. A muffled voice spoke, then giggled a little before the door slowly creaked open. Naruto stared at the darkness behind his eyelids for what felt like and eternity before anything happened. It was suffocating, the brief moment of silence. Naruto swallowed hard and prayed to every god he could think of that they'd just see him and leave him to be.

"Naruto? What happe--" He peeked his eye open to see a small girl rummaging around in her bag. He quickly recognized the bobbed pink hair and let out a sigh of relief, knowing that as much as she had hated him she wouldn't hurt him more than he deserved. "You're covered in fucking blood."

Sakura looked at Naruto whos watery eyes never dried every time she looked up from her bag. She was holding whatever medical equipment she had on her at the moment tightly in her hand, inspecting each visible injury carefully before deciding what to do. Honestly, Sakura didn't know if she could or wanted to help Naruto. Her resentment was telling her to walk away, yet every time she watched the blond teen in front of her wince at the tiniest movements her mind was telling her to help him. She watched his chest move up in down slowly in an irregular pattern before deciding.

"Who did this? You have to tell me." The girl spoke softly yet somehow in a scolding manner. She leaned over to use some wipes to clean away the fluids, running through almost all of them before she got to see any real damage. Cuts and scrapes that would scar upon healing, and bruises that looked like they could last a lifetime. She disinfected them carefully and patched them up while waiting on an answer before moving downwards just to make sure. "I'm going to need to take this off... Is it okay with you?" Naruto let out a slow and reluctant nod, hopping she wouldn't question anything she didn't need to. He was deeply afraid that she'd be disgusted by skinny figure and the scars from years ago. He didn't want anyone to see his very visible rib cage covered only by disgusting pale skin, he didn't even want to see it himself. He hissed at the movement as Sakura removed his jacket and ordered him to lay back. He still did what she asked, leaning his head on the dirty floor for the second time today, and he cried a little as she began to lift his shirt up to reveal more bruises. He felt ashamed and he couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry, p-please don't look..."

The dried blood that had soaked through the layers of clothing made Naruto's shirt stick to his small torso a little bit. The pinkette peeled away the fabric from the skin, her breath caught in her throat by the time she had finally caught wind of Naruto's apology. It made her want to cry and she did a little before wiping them away and getting back to work. After than she didn't ask him anything else, already seeming to understand the situation as it was. She just wanted to help him at the point... all of her reasons to dislike him had flew out the window by now and she was starting to wonder why she did in the first place. If she hadn't been so caught up in a boy, she could've been the friend that he needed all along. Something was telling her she could've prevented this somehow, and it made her heart sting with worry and guilt.

"I'm all done, Naruto..." She said while trying to hide the redness in her face from her previous tears.

"You know... you're worth more than this. I don't know what's going on, but i'm here for you if you need me to be. I think you should report this, and maybe if you try talking to someone it can help. I've never really been in this situation before, Naruto, but I hope you get past this dark stage and realize your worth." Sakura took a deep breathe before continuing, "Because you're worth so much. And I know sometimes it takes more than just ourselves to feel like it." Naruto sat quietly as he watched the pink haired teen walk away calmly as if nothing had ever happened. Her slight bit of affection made Naruto have faith in the idea that maybe somebody did care, but the shame began to settle in at that thought. It made him dizzy and tired and really he just needs to sleep this whole day off.

With her kind words in mind, the blond boy reached for his phone and began to dial a number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow update. yeah it took MONTH(S) but im kinda satisfied with this ok.   
> we got platonic narusaku now instead of sasunaru :/ but TRUST ME the sasunaru is so worth it in the next chapter IM NOT EVEN KIDDING I HAVE IT ALL TYPED UP AND READY 2GO MADE W/ LUV BY ME


	14. i'm not looking for a hero, but i'd like to be saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; literally 1 homophobic word

The device rang slowly, and Naruto's voice hitched as he fidgeted with the hem of his too big shirt nervously. He felt disgusted at the fact that he was even thinking about asking someone for help, even though he knew he was too helpless to get anywhere by himself. Naruto had no problem doing things for others even if it inconvenienced him-- but he could never, ever bring himself to worry others with his presence. He was a nervous wreck as the phone had been ringing been ringing for 10 seconds now but it felt like a hour. The hurting part of him hoped that the phone would be answered so that the noise would cease. It finally did, and a familiar voice spoke softly.

"Naruto... you called?.." The blond teen took a deep breath as he basked in the deep voice of his kinda friend, Sasuke. He felt frozen as he held the phone in his lap loosely. It's been a while since they spoke, and he wasn't sure why he couldn't have just called someone who he knew just as well.

"Y-yeah. I'm sorry I just," Naruto spoke quietly with a shaky voice. "I need help. I know that you're probably busy and all that, but I-I'm pretty sure I broke my whole body and I can't get home alone like this and... I-I just need a ride." "If you can't please don't stress it..."

"No. No, I'll be there in a minute let me just-- wait, where are you?" Naruto answered the question and listened to the rummaging sounds in the background. "Stay where you are." A beeping sound signaled that the call had ended, and Naruto sat the phone down on the ground. All he had to do was wait now, and that was probably the most boring part. He stared at the lights until his eyes hurt and stung. He tried distracting himself with tiny things that would keep him away from the confines of his very own thoughts. As soon as he stopped paying attention to something his mind would automatically slip to the idea of suicide or the abuse he had endured, and it left him feeling miserable and afraid of himself in the end. Naruto had learned that solitude was a dangerous thing when you're going through so much, and he learned it the hard waye too.

After he had ran out of things to inspect in the room the only thing he could do was recite songs in his brain. Unfortunately all of his songs was either too upbeat for him to handle at the moment, or too sad for him to hear without crying. He hummed quietly to himself as he waited for Sasuke patiently, saying the lyrics in his head and accidentally creating mashups due to boredom. He continued with this for a whole 10 minutes until he got bored. He knew he wouldn't be able to avoid the darkness for long.

_he's not coming for you. just die already. just lay here and die like the **faggot** you are. nobody cares about you. you can't even care for yourself.  
fucking loser._

Naruto groaned and ignored the tickling sensation on his cheeks. He knows that there are people who do care. Sakura kinda cares, Hinata cares... he even has Jiraiya and Sasuke. It's not a lot but it's something. It's been keeping him going for years now. And the fact that a few pesky thoughts could be his worst demons irritates him and saddens him beyond comparison. He shakes his head and wipes away the salty tears on his face before trying to stand up again. It's still no use. A few minutes later the door swings open and he's met with a worried gaze.

Blue eyes stare into dark ones, accompanied by dark circles and an empty expression. Sasuke's face looks pale, even paler than Naruto's, and it was obvious that he had also been going through his own problems. Naruto felt even worse for bothering the teen, but before he could get any apologies out he was being helped up carefully. His legs still burned at the sudden stretch and he felt the ache in his entire body, but it was a lot better now that he had some support. Sasuke had adjusted the position so that most of Naruto's body weight was shifted on him, and it wasn't that much of a hassle considering the boy had little to no meat on his bones. Sasuke was almost alarmed at how light he actually was as the two stumbled down the hallway and out to the parking lot. The sun had barely set, and there was a few people still left in the building but that's it. 

Sasuke helped the injured teen into the borrowed car and moved over to the drivers seat where he quickly started the car up and began to drive. Sasuke started to interrogate him in the same tone Sakura had, only slightly more worried and irritated. Naruto shook his head and shrugged only, as he knew he'd have to explain everything else if he said one thing and his energy had already slipped away hours ago. "I'm taking you to the hospital."

"I can't go."

"And _I_ can't take you home in that condition." Naruto continued to insist that going was a bad idea. Although Sasuke never changed his mind throughout the whole drive. Naruto knew that he couldn't blame all of the injuries on some petty bullying, and he surely wouldn't be able to explain to the doctors and nurses that he was so skinny because he had been starving himself since middle school. He's never had to worry about going to a hospital since he always hid his injuries well and had Kushina and Minato looking over his shoulder to make sure nobody ever noticed the pain he was in constantly. He shivered at the thought of sitting in the room with people looking at him with sorry looks of pity and fake sympathy. He hated it the most. 

"Just take me home..." He said while leaning his head up against the seat. "You're just making this so much more harder for me." He stared at his sweater paws, hoping Sasuke would just understand but also knowing in the back of his mind it was hopeless.

"I see your struggle, Naruto. I know you might think that i'm just making things worse by trying to force my way into your life, but if you saw yourself through my eyes you'd know how badly you need this. I'm afraid that i'll lose you again and I can't have that." "You couldn't even stand up alone. And you're so damn skinny it's unhealthy. I _need_ to see you better, love, and if forcing you to see a doctor means that then i'm going to do it. I'll be there for you and I won't let anything happen to you, I promise, so can we just do this for the both of us?"

Naruto just nodded as he didn't want to put up anymore of an argument. He had nothing to defend with. Sasuke was right. He was hurting badly, and he probably did worse than he thought. He was just another depressed teenager with temperamental parents, and it had caused him more pain than he could handle. Maybe since Sasuke had noticed, everyone else did too, but maybe everybody else just didn't care about him enough to say anything. He was still against the whole hospital idea and he was afraid too. His parents would probably skin him alive if he didn't keep his mouth shut good enough; it felt like this was a test from god to see if he really did deserve to die. He was really going to fail.

Naruto was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt his hand being gently entwined with Sasuke's. The dark haired male still had his eyes on the road as he drove single-handedly. The feeling wasn't new, just really old but Naruto found he still didn't mind it. It gave him something else to think of. He held onto the hand as tightly as he possibly could and enjoyed the small bit of affection while they drove down to the hospital. Naruto stared out of the window again as his body calmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.4k words for this chapter and i almost kept going even though i set my limit for 1.2k at most because then checking for mistakes takes too long so im sorry if there's lotsa mistakes !  
> im also happy w/ the caring sasuke like,,, i need to write more stuff for these two deffo


	15. im sorry :(

I am very sorry to say that this story will be discontinued. 

I feel the pain of having a story be discontinued right in the middle of reading it but i'd rather not have people thinking that I'm going to update when I'm clearly not. It's been months since I've even touched this story and in all honesty I probably never will again. There's always the possibility of course but I just think I was too in over my head when I started writing this. It brings back painful memories as I was in a very depressed state when I started this book and it only reminds me of things in my past that i'd rather forget about. I still ship SasuNaru ofc so maybe i'll get around to a more happy story that's easier to vibe with and finish. 

Again I apologize if I've made you upset with this news. It's been so long that nobody probably even reads this anymore but if you are seeing this now then I hope this doesn't make you too mad or sad or anything.

Goodbye :[  
  



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